Monthly Archives: November 2011

we talk

No doubt anybody would be proud to have the kids Jay and I have.  But more than that, I am proud of the relationship we have with them.

We talk.

We would go on for hours and even when Jay would complain about how noisy we get so late at night during weekends.   And he wakes up to us being noisy again in the morning.  We talk.

We embrace when we sleep.  We squeeze wrists when we cross the street.  We talk.

We kiss and hug.  We tickle and wrestle.  We pinch, hit, kick and bite.  We talk.

We talk about good and bad things, sense and nonsense, just about anything at all.  We whisper secrets, we shout out criticisms.  We laugh at ourselves, we brag about how wonderful we are.  We talk.

We reminisce the past.  We compare endless wish lists.  We decide what to eat for lunch.  We talk.

We discuss, analyze, and argue.   We agree to disagree.  We talk.

We worry.  We cry.  We get through it together.  We talk.

We text.  We call.  We write.  We read.  We talk.

Vincent, Anele, Jay and I; we do that.  We talk.

Our life is hard, but we’re okay because…we talk.

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they danced

He was practically dragging her up the steps.

They were late and had less than an hour to get it done.

This was a regular thing, the only time they understood each other.

A common time when she got away from her titrations and he, from his dimensions; what she called “neutralization” and he, “two-point perspective”.

She could have been laughing but she was out of breath from all the running.  Her mind zoomed five buildings back, away to PhySci, to her lab gown which she left on her table over his T-square…she thought…What the heck!

Walking hurriedly past tables, past chairs, past shelves…he never let go of her hand and she let herself be led, until they reached that special place. Their special place. They went deep between the shelves, knowing where to find what.

She sat on the floor as he scanned his fingers across the books.  He finally pulled the one with a maroon hard cover, handed it to her as he sat down in front of her.  She flipped through the pages, and just as he knew so well where to find the book, she knew which page to go.  Her eyes were so thrilled to cast sight on the glorious words again.

No, he never liked reading.  But to hear her read was everything.  And later his heart would teach his fingers to make precise movements. Oh, no, not like the measured drawings he did…but with brushes that made colors flow exactly where they should.

And no, she never liked painting.  But to see him moving was everything.  And her heart taught her eyes to see colors clearly.  Oh, no, not like the faint colors in flasks…but the rainbows that filled her eyes with contentment.

She spoke… softly now… almost, but not whispering.  Her voice seemed to put him under a spell that the words he heard would slowly turn into colored smoke, at first clouding his eyes.   Then as they travel through his mind, they take shape…they then seize their own place in the canvas.

She, too, was in a trance.  The words lifted her soul and she felt soaring but gracefully among the clouds of colored smoke.

Somehow this was not like the other times they had, because it was late.  And being so absorbed, they noticed that they were stuck for the night only when the lights suddenly went out.

They were both rather surprised that neither of them got upset about the situation.  He shrugged…and with the moonlight that beamed through the window, she continued…

“I choose.  The rhythm of life seduces me into motion.  Move by move, I complete, reveal, let go, engage.  Clearing the space, creating room to dance.”

And so, that night, in that very room, they danced.


the jaguar and the quetzal

Every time I’m lost out in the night

I look for memories of light

You are the one I want to see

You are the one who reached for me

You are the one who really matters

–It’s You That Really Matters, Christopher Cross

.

The Jaguar and the Quetzal

.

A wounded Jaguar lay on a branch.

Full of pain, it groaned, more like the sound of distant thunder

that tells that the feline’s strength was draining.

It befits the dusk, whose fading sunlight portrays a slow death.

.

A lonely Quetzal perched on a twig.

Full of grief, it is unable to sing, more like the deafening silence

that tells that the bird’s radiance was waning.

It befits the dusk, whose creeping shadows beckon a potent darkness.

.

The Quetzal saw the Jaguar,

and it understood.

The jaguar saw the Quetzal,

and it understood.

.

The Jaguar was in terrible pain that it roared.

The thunder was deafening in the dark of the night.

The Quetzal could hear, could feel;and it was scared.

.

The Quetzal was in deep sorrow that it flew away.

The flight was difficult in the chill of the night.

The Jaguar could see, could feel; and it, too, was scared.

.

A sudden pierce in the Quetzal’s heart

made its beak let out a kyow.

A pair of whimpers that showed its compassion

for the Jaguar’s ache.

.

A sudden rush in the Jaguar’s body

compelled its limbs to move.

A few steps that showed its intention

to ignore the pain and thrive.

.

The Jaguar then leaps to conquer the dawn

and ensures that the sun shall rise for the Quetzal.

Though the Jaguar has left the forest to remain elusive,

she would keep this light in her heart forever.


you came

Water

Shines

Mirage

Deceives

Sun

Scorches

Dune

Ignores

Darkness

Creeps

Lamp

Rescues


tell me when you know

Now I’m cravin’ your body.  Is this real?

Temperature’s rising; I don’t want to feel I’m in the wrong place to be real

And I’m longing to love you just for a night, kissing and hugging and holding you tight

Please let me love you with all my might!

-“reasons” by earth, wind, and fire

So he asked her, “How do you want me?”

“With caramel topping please,” her laughter followed but he only stared.

“That’s a difficult one…” she heard herself say, she knew she didn’t know what to say, or how to say it if she did.

“Is it?”

“I don’t know”

she came back, out from the painting, felt more like zooming out of it.

she stepped back to examine it. colors swirled.  no pattern, only movement.

slow, spontaneous  movements she saw only when she closed her eyes.

then she felt herself sucked back in.

white canvas covered the wooden floor

colors poured onto the canvas

red here, blue there, yellow here and there

cans half empty, paint dripping down from the rims

shadows moved, his and hers

stars watching from the  windows

she saw where the shadows had been

the stars kept her secret

“you know,”

“maybe,”

she knew he did because he held her

and she put her head on his chest, believing it can’t be wrong when it feels so right

her eyes teary, her heart heavy

he held her close, he held her tight

he lifted her face and marked a kiss on her forehead

his lips met hers, his in hers, and hers in his; a kiss so tender…so slow

her fingers found the trough of his back, and it made her own spine quiver

she just couldn’t believe he was here

“I am here now”

she just melted

cross was right

she realized she would always feel the same

his lips traced her neck, and she felt his warm breath moving to her shoulder

the tip of his tongue touched it once, twice, and bit it gently

“hm,” he had made her want him even more

“hmm”

he kissed her on the lips one more time before he bent down to let his lips paint every inch of yearning in her.  she leaned her head back, she couldn’t help but let out a moan.  she held his head and ran her fingers through his hair . she smiled at the thought that she had longed to do this…

“- – – -,” she heard her name. he said he liked the sound of it

Title: \”hm\” Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

“I love this one, is there a story behind it?”

“Uh huh, it’s about something I just cannot have”

he led her, lay her down to the floor, and she felt the cool paint on her back

she shivered, not because the paint was cool but because she was burning inside

she felt her face flush as she felt him put his weight on her

she knew that scent, it swept her away the first time he told her his name

it sent her into some kind of a trance to receive him as he entered her

“I don’t understand how such bright colors can mean sadness”

“they don’t… just knowing it is there makes me happy”

he thrust; once, twice, she lost count as she drowned in want

he felt her and even now, he never understood;  would he ever?

they moved and reeled,  across the colors, swirling the reds, blues and yellows

then she was on him, had her control over her desire

she gave him the colors she wanted him to feel

it was dark though, too dark to see the rainbow

there was light, yes…

but now she was sure it wasn’t , wouldn’t, and couldn’t ever be hers, no…

“what is it?”

“light”

and the shadows danced and the colors whirled

stars did watch as their blaze reached their zenith

she loved him, he said he loved her, too

did he ever?

“so where is it now?”

“in my heart.”

“Tell me when you know”

“I’d rather not…”

“Tell?”

“No, know.”


bracelet

Overhead, from the pieces of sky she could see in between the leaves, the stars peeked and glistened.  In turn, the dainty shadows the leaves made tickled the ground.

They sat in the tent.  It’s been a long while since they went out like this.  They almost forgot how good it felt good to be together, like this.

They kept silent knowing no words were needed.  It was enough that they held hands and felt the love they had for each other.

Then he held her arm and put a bracelet on her wrist. “I want to make love to you wearing only this.”
She looked at him, then, at the bracelet.

Flowers–big ones for the smiles and small ones for the tears.
She moaned as his hungry lips devoured her neck and shoulders.  Knowing her well, too well maybe, he paused as he noticed her responses suddenly falter.   She opened her eyes, looked into his; she was reminded of something and he knew what it was.  Even as he assures her again that she was the only one, one thing or another would lead her to remember.  He hugged her tight though he knew this wasn’t ever going to be enough to show her how much he regrets hurting her.

Grip– tight enough to hold her yet loose enough to let her move.
Victor kissed her, pressing his full weight on her.  She knew how he wanted her this way.  But this time she needed him to feel how she wanted him.  She needed to show him that she could send him to greater heights.  He sensed her cue to shift and allowed it.  She was glad he was glad he did.

Gems– purple, to show that she was precious. and pink, that she was loved.
She just loves the way he whispers her name over and over until he finally calls it out loud.  Then he buries his face on her neck and declares “I love you” in between heavy breaths.

The break– to remind her that life is unpredictable, change is inevitable.
He lays beside her, tucking some stray strands behind her ear.  He adoringly stares at her and smiles.  He gives her a smack, and closes his eyes. Her head resting on his chest, he falls asleep.

Agnes knows not how long this joy in her heart would last, but she’s determined to do everything for how and why it would.


they make my day

make coffee for jay

talk to jay

tell anele to be careful on the way home

remind vincent to be a good boy in school

smile at kuya jhun’s frustrated peek-a-boo

greet ate malu and get revved up for the day’s activities

laugh at jokes while making cut outs with t.mei and ate jean

be inspired as i chat with devoted mommies, grandmas and yayas

listen to (yet barely understand) and hug daitoh and daikoh

listen to emil’s animated version of yesterday’s story

see mercelle’s smile and “silly hair”

stop in the middle of telling today’s story to answer kenneth’s questions about something he finds awkward in the story

add more lines on raphael’s paper so he could finish his detailed version of today’s story

catch martin saying the sound and writing each letter to spell words that make up his sentence

be awed by the bright colors elmer uses for his drawings

see that vera tries to patiently wait for me to give her a turn to answer a drill on the board

hug and praise hector that he can now follow instructions and finish his work on his own

tell chloe that it’s good that she can now express herself through words

clap my hands as rahya confidently rehearses her lines for the program

listen attentively to aaliyah’s discovery facts that begin with “dati teacher…”

wave to zowe, isabella, hannah, gabby, and jared

call up jay

get a call from anele about something she assumes i know about

watch chiara, martina and migui wash their hands

dance with keisha

sit beside damien during snack time

pose and take pictures with rohanna

laugh heartily with lindsay

make ‘kulit’ to mathew to get a great big, tight ‘love-love’ from him

hear johann say “i love you teacher ires”

have lunch with t. raq, t.mei, and ms.arlene

be both amused and amazed at the witticisms of the sweet girl whose name spelled backwards means sour

have spanish bread and coke with jay on the way to vincent’s school

meet vince at the school gate

eat dinner with jay and vince

get another call from anele about everything on anything

do homework with vincent

text, text, text patch

reply to anele to remind her to always take good care of herself

lie down between jay and vincent

thank Jah for giving me all these people who make my day.