walang ni anumang saplot, nakahiga ako sa pulang sapin sa sahig… ako’y nakatagilid, paharap sa kanya. mga paa kong bahagyang nakabaluktot ay magkadikit na ‘di man masasabing may ikinukubli ay may ‘di nais ipasilip. ang isa kong kamay ay nakapatong sa balakang, at ang kabila nama’y nakapatong sa noo na nakatihaya ang palad. buhok ko’y nakakalat sa sapin, ulo’y nakatingala, likod ay nakaliyad, katawa’y nakalantad. walang maitago pagkat alam kong pati ang nadarama ko ay batid niya.
malagkit ang titig, waring bawat pulgada ng balat ko ay sinusukat niya. ang maitim na buhok na nakasabog sa palibot ng aking ulo ay tila ahas na gumagapang pababa at tutuklaw sa leeg ko. ang kamay ko sa noo ay may mga daliring tila mga talulot ng isang bulaklak na nag-umpisa nang bumuka. ang mabilog kong mata ay nasa magkabila ng ilong kong tila mababang alon na patungong dalampasigan. ang aking matambok na labi na bahagyang nakabuka ay simpula at singtamis ng hinog na mabolo. hihigupin ng kanyang mga mata ang bawat linya at kurba ng hugis ng katawan ko. ibabaling ang tingin sa lona at ililipat ang mga iyon dito. idadampi ‘t ihahagod ang brotsa sa lona. kung minsa’y mabilis, kung minsan nama’y mabagal na para bang lumilikha ng musika sa biyulin. paulit-ulit niya itong gagawin hanggang sa ang damdamin ko ay naisiwalat na niya sa kanyang obra.
matalas ang tingin at tikom ang bibig. may bigat sa balikat ngunit magaan ang braso. matigas ang siko ngunit malambot ang pulso. sukat ang galaw at sigurado ang pilantik. nakapwesto ang mga daliri, para bang nakadugtong ang pinsel dito.
buong katawan ko ma’y kanyang nasiyasat, di ko man lang mahuli ang mata nya upang kami’y magkakatinginan. ako nama’y di makagalaw, sa ilalim ng kanyang kapangyarihan ay nagmistulang estatwang buhay. buhay nga, pagkat ako’y hindi matigas, at lalong hindi manhid! dama ng aking hubad na katawan ang dampi ng hamog ng madaling-araw kasabay ng init ng titig nya. balat ko ma’y giniginaw at nagnanasa ng haplos mula sa kanya, batid kong sa akin siya man din ay nahahalina. langhap ng aking bawat hininga ang mabangong kandila kahalo ang maantang pinturang gamit niya. ninanais ko mang magpahinga nang panatag, tinatandaan ko pa ring hindi ako maaaring maging magalaw, at nang hindi magambala ang kanyang pithaya sa paglikha. ngawit at pagod ay ‘di ko alintana hanggang sa matapos siya.
heto nga. ang obra ay ako, at ako ang obra. wala mang makauunawa, ang mahalaga ay ako ang pinili niya.
kaya’t heto.. ang sarili ko ay iniaalay sa kanya.
Category Archives: 4 collage
I’ve waited too long. Already.
Everyday I would imagine how those eyes would suddenly glow, how those lips slowly curve to show delight, how your smile proves that you are glad to see me again.
I keep playing that scene in my head when I wake up in the morning, when I feel the morning sun on my face as I walk to work, when I’m in the middle of laughing at a joke, when I read your words; it feels so good that it would take a moment before I actually notice myself grinning.
Then when we finally met, as it was truly happening, it happened so fast! It happened so fast that I couldn’t grasp the thought that it was real, that you were real.
We talked but I never really remembered what was said. I was just happy to see you, your eyes, your smile. It was just how I imagined it. And now, I replay that scene on my mind, over and over; slowly each time. It feels even better knowing that it happened again, for real. It was real, you are real.
So, again, I will be waiting…
No doubt anybody would be proud to have the kids Jay and I have. But more than that, I am proud of the relationship we have with them.
We would go on for hours and even when Jay would complain about how noisy we get so late at night during weekends. And he wakes up to us being noisy again in the morning. We talk.
We embrace when we sleep. We squeeze wrists when we cross the street. We talk.
We kiss and hug. We tickle and wrestle. We pinch, hit, kick and bite. We talk.
We talk about good and bad things, sense and nonsense, just about anything at all. We whisper secrets, we shout out criticisms. We laugh at ourselves, we brag about how wonderful we are. We talk.
We reminisce the past. We compare endless wish lists. We decide what to eat for lunch. We talk.
We discuss, analyze, and argue. We agree to disagree. We talk.
We worry. We cry. We get through it together. We talk.
We text. We call. We write. We read. We talk.
Vincent, Anele, Jay and I; we do that. We talk.
Our life is hard, but we’re okay because…we talk.
Overhead, from the pieces of sky she could see in between the leaves, the stars peeked and glistened. In turn, the dainty shadows the leaves made tickled the ground.
They sat in the tent. It’s been a long while since they went out like this. They almost forgot how good it felt good to be together, like this.
They kept silent knowing no words were needed. It was enough that they held hands and felt the love they had for each other.
Then he held her arm and put a bracelet on her wrist. “I want to make love to you wearing only this.”
She looked at him, then, at the bracelet.
Flowers–big ones for the smiles and small ones for the tears.
She moaned as his hungry lips devoured her neck and shoulders. Knowing her well, too well maybe, he paused as he noticed her responses suddenly falter. She opened her eyes, looked into his; she was reminded of something and he knew what it was. Even as he assures her again that she was the only one, one thing or another would lead her to remember. He hugged her tight though he knew this wasn’t ever going to be enough to show her how much he regrets hurting her.
Grip– tight enough to hold her yet loose enough to let her move.
Victor kissed her, pressing his full weight on her. She knew how he wanted her this way. But this time she needed him to feel how she wanted him. She needed to show him that she could send him to greater heights. He sensed her cue to shift and allowed it. She was glad he was glad he did.
Gems– purple, to show that she was precious. and pink, that she was loved.
She just loves the way he whispers her name over and over until he finally calls it out loud. Then he buries his face on her neck and declares “I love you” in between heavy breaths.
The break– to remind her that life is unpredictable, change is inevitable.
He lays beside her, tucking some stray strands behind her ear. He adoringly stares at her and smiles. He gives her a smack, and closes his eyes. Her head resting on his chest, he falls asleep.
Agnes knows not how long this joy in her heart would last, but she’s determined to do everything for how and why it would.
make coffee for jay
talk to jay
tell anele to be careful on the way home
remind vincent to be a good boy in school
smile at kuya jhun’s frustrated peek-a-boo
greet ate malu and get revved up for the day’s activities
laugh at jokes while making cut outs with t.mei and ate jean
be inspired as i chat with devoted mommies, grandmas and yayas
listen to (yet barely understand) and hug daitoh and daikoh
listen to emil’s animated version of yesterday’s story
see mercelle’s smile and “silly hair”
stop in the middle of telling today’s story to answer kenneth’s questions about something he finds awkward in the story
add more lines on raphael’s paper so he could finish his detailed version of today’s story
catch martin saying the sound and writing each letter to spell words that make up his sentence
be awed by the bright colors elmer uses for his drawings
see that vera tries to patiently wait for me to give her a turn to answer a drill on the board
hug and praise hector that he can now follow instructions and finish his work on his own
tell chloe that it’s good that she can now express herself through words
clap my hands as rahya confidently rehearses her lines for the program
listen attentively to aaliyah’s discovery facts that begin with “dati teacher…”
wave to zowe, isabella, hannah, gabby, and jared
call up jay
get a call from anele about something she assumes i know about
watch chiara, martina and migui wash their hands
dance with keisha
sit beside damien during snack time
pose and take pictures with rohanna
laugh heartily with lindsay
make ‘kulit’ to mathew to get a great big, tight ‘love-love’ from him
hear johann say “i love you teacher ires”
have lunch with t. raq, t.mei, and ms.arlene
be both amused and amazed at the witticisms of the sweet girl whose name spelled backwards means sour
have spanish bread and coke with jay on the way to vincent’s school
meet vince at the school gate
eat dinner with jay and vince
get another call from anele about everything on anything
do homework with vincent
text, text, text patch
reply to anele to remind her to always take good care of herself
lie down between jay and vincent
thank Jah for giving me all these people who make my day.