Category Archives: 5 mosaic

bridge over troubled monster

One word.

UGLY.

Inside and out.  That’s how I look. And that’s exactly how I feel. That’s why I hide under this bridge.  And maybe that’s what hideous means, when you are so ugly, you better not let yourself be seen. I need somebody.  I need someone to love; someone who would also love me back. But who would, who could love someone like me? I am so unhappy, so miserable.

One day, I hear a tippity-tappity tap on the bridge above me. I climb up and talk to the Billy goat.  I try to be nice but he refuses me. So I get angry, I threaten to eat him. Then he begs me not to eat him, telling me that his big brother will come.  I decide to let him go thinking that there might be a chance his big brother might like me. After a while, I hear another tippity-tappity tap on the bridge above me. I climb up and talk to the big Billy goat.  I try to be nice but he refuses me, too. So I get angry again, I threaten to eat him. He, too, begs me not to eat him, telling me that his bigger brother will come.  Again, I decide to let him go thinking that there might be a chance his bigger brother might like me. After sometime, I hear yet another tippity-tappity tap on the bridge above me. I climb up and talk to the bigger Billy goat.  I try to be REALLY nice but he refuses me. This time I get REALLY angry, so not only did I threaten to eat him, I was determined to do it. But he does not beg me not to eat him.  No.  He lowers his head, looks me straight in the eye, and charges me with his horns.  Shocked, frightened, and confused all at the same time, I am not able to move.  The Billy goat hits me hard, so hard I fall off the bridge.

I open my eyes and as my vision tries to improve focus, I could make out the still-rather-blurred images of three creatures by the green grass on the other side of the bridge. My whole body is in terrible pain.  But what hurts more is the deception and rejection I faced, repetitively and so ruthlessly.  This pain has now made me mad. I am ugly, and very, very angry.

One word.  

MONSTER.


tell me when you know

So he asked her, “How do you want me?”

“With caramel topping please,” her laughter followed but he only stared.

“That’s a difficult one…” she heard herself say, she knew she didn’t know what to say, or how to say it if she did.

“Is it?”

“I don’t know”

she came back, out from the painting, felt more like zooming out of it.

she stepped back to examine it. colors swirled. no pattern, only movement.

slow, spontaneous movements she saw only when she closed her eyes.

then she felt herself sucked back in.

white canvas covered the wooden floor

colors poured onto the canvas

red here, blue there, yellow here and there

cans half empty, paint dripping down from the rims

shadows moved, his and hers

stars watching from the windows

she saw where the shadows had been

the stars kept her secret

“you know,”

“maybe,”

she knew he did because he held her

and she put her head on his chest, believing it can’t be wrong when it feels so right

her eyes teary, her heart heavy

he held her close, he held her tight

he lifted her face and marked a kiss on her forehead

his lips met hers, his in hers, and hers in his; a kiss so tender…so slow

her fingers found the trough of his back, and it made her own spine quiver

she just couldn’t believe he was here

“I am here now”

she just melted

cross was right

she realized she would always feel the same

his lips traced her neck, and she felt his warm breath moving to her shoulder

the tip of his tongue touched it once, twice, and bit it gently

“hm,” he had made her want him even more

“hmm”

he kissed her on the lips one more time before he bent down to let his lips paint every inch of yearning in her. she leaned her head back, she couldn’t help but let out a moan. she held his head and ran her fingers through his hair . she smiled at the thought that she had longed to do this…

“- – – -,” she heard her name. he said he liked the sound of it

Title: \”hm\” Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

“I love this one, is there a story behind it?”

“Uh huh, it’s about something I just cannot have”

he led her, lay her down to the floor, and she felt the cool paint on her back

she shivered, not because the paint was cool but because she was burning inside

she felt her face flush as she felt him put his weight on her

she knew that scent, it swept her away the first time he told her his name

it sent her into some kind of a trance to receive him as he entered her

“I don’t understand how such bright colors can mean sadness”

“they don’t… just knowing it is there makes me happy”

he thrust; once, twice, she lost count as she drowned in want

he felt her and even now, he never understood; would he ever?

they moved and reeled, across the colors, swirling the reds, blues and yellows

then she was on him, had her control over her desire

she gave him the colors she wanted him to feel

it was dark though, too dark to see the rainbow

there was light, yes…

but now she was sure it wasn’t , wouldn’t, and couldn’t ever be hers, no…

“what is it?”

“light”

and the shadows danced and the colors whirled

stars did watch as their blaze reached their zenith

she loved him, he said he loved her, too

did he ever?

“so where is it now?”

“in my heart.”

“Tell me when you know”

“I’d rather not…”

“Tell?”

“No, know.”


isubo

itong tamis
katumbas ay hapis
pagpapahirap tinitiis
tuloy ang pagmamalabis

itong alat
katumbas ay sumbat.
kahit ikaw pa ay salat
iyo pa raw ipagpasalamat.

itong asim
katumbas ay dilim.
pagkatakot ay kay lalim
sa kanyang banta ng lagim.

itong pait
katumbas ay galit.
ang karapatang pinagkait
di ibibigay kahit pa igiit.

hala, sige… isubo!

saka bibig ay itikom,
‘wag magreklamong gutom.
di ba’t ikaw raw ay pinakain?
kaya’t nilayong alipinin.


isaksak mo…

iyo na ang tubig
na sinlabo ng dilim
sa malalim na balon
ng kaluluwa mong uhaw.

iyo na ang hangin
na sinlamig ng lungkot
sa hungkag na yakap
ng bisig mong sabik.

iyo na ang lupa
na sintigas ng galit
sa manhid na damdamin
ng mundo mong tigang.

iyo na ang panahon
na simbagal ng paghilom
sa mahapding nakaraan
ng buhay mong mapait.

iyo na ang ginto
na singkinang ng tukso
sa nakamkam na yaman
ng ligaya mong huwad.

iyo na ang wika
na simbabaw ng biro
sa hangal na ingay
ng diwa mong baluktot.

iyo na ang lahat
angkinin mong tanan!
iyo na!
iyo pa ang hapis.


iluwa

sukat ba namang napalaki ng nakagat mo
at hindi mo makayanang nguyain ito!

akala’y laging mauubusan,
umiral itong katakawan!
paglunok ma’y ipagpilitan,
tiyak namang mabubulunan!

sa kaunti kasi’y di makuntento,
itong ganid kung kumabig todo.
di mapanindigan ang sinubo,
mapipilitang iluwa ng buo.

pakakawalan na lamang
ang pagkakataong sinagpang.
bagay na kapag binitiwan,
di na maaari pang balikan.


daliri

ang kaliwa
balisa.
ang tiwala
saliwa.
ang bihasa
timawa.

ang kawani
tiwali.
ang nahuli
nasisi.
ang mabuti
nasali.


manimbang

ang pinakikinabangan
dapat bang pagkaitan?
kung sulit naman
dapat bang panghinayangan?

itong inutil nga naman
dahil napagbibigyan,
nakuha pang magyabang,
kung mangikil sukdulan.

kanyang kabuktutan
tatagas, pigilan man.
pandaraya at katiwalian
masisiwalat kalaunan.

di siya payag masapawan,
ang mabuti’y pupulaan.
kalampag na palatandaan
ng latang walang laman.

mga tanong pag-isipan.
alin ang pahahalagahan,
ang butas bang sisidlan
o ang may pakinabang?


uhaw nga

ito ba ang sagot

sa inip at bagot,

kung inda ang kirot

ng kapos sa likot?

 

nang sa pusong pagod

ang lamig humagod,

ang init kumayod,

ang tamis sumugod.

 

‘tigil mo ‘yan, sabi!

sigaw mong matindi,

tila ba kay laki

ng pagkakamali.

 

ang uminom nga ba

tingin mo’y masama?

pipigilan mo ba kung

ako’y uhaw nga?


dapat ba?

dapat ka bang umasang sagutin

kung di ka nagsasalita?

dapat ka bang umuwi

kung di ka na doon nakatira?

dapat ka bang humiga

kung di lang iyo ang kama?

dapat ka bang humiling

kung ibinigay mo sa iba?

dapat ka bang magsimula

kung tapos na?


puwang VII

‘di ba’t inutil ang paglilok

sa kahoy na may bukbok?

sayang ang panahong tutok

kung kalooban ay bulok.

 

kuminis mang bahagya

nang mapudpod ang liha,

ang gaspang ng mukha

saludsod ang dala.

 

tapalan man ng masilya,

tinakpang lamat halata.

dahil nga hiya ay wala,

bunyag ang likas na sira.

 

ga’no man katalas ang paet,

inutil nga ang pag-ukit.

itong kahoy na ‘di sulit,

walang taglay na rikit.

 

walang iskultor na mahusay 

sa kahoy na ‘di matibay. 

anumang paghubog sa turo, 

bungong hungkag guguho.